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i will follow you into the dark

shut down and restart...

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lateral_schizm

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May 17th, 2007

Was browsing though a list of 1001 books to see before you die.... so far i've only read 23.. pityful! hahaha!



have read
Disgrace – J.M. Coetzee
    required reading for hum 2, didnt get it at first, thought the actions of the protagonists were illogical. which i later realized during class discussion, was actually logical and very realistic... cape town, apartheid issue..or after its abolishment... something like that.. for some reason i dont really like african related political lit..

Veronika Decides to Die – Paulo Coelho
    weird story behind my acquisition of this book. was in baguio and this is what i bought instead of buying baguio-related souvenirs. i came so far just to buy a book i could buy in manila.! hahaha! liked this book. a lot. the will to live. strongest thought from book, something like, every day when they wake up they will feel that life is a miracle... parang ganun.. nagdadrama ako nung time na binasa ko ito kaya feel na feel ko! hahaha!

Trainspotting – Irvine Welsh
    gave me a headache reading..enjoyable headache! haha! good book, liked it a lot, different from all else..

Like Water for Chocolate – Laura Esquivel
    i absolutely dislike this book! RAR! but, i couldnt stop reading it cuz it was so annoying, i was itching to see if the main character would act more .... 'logically' hahahaha! i think this is the literary device called: THWARTING THE READERS DESIRE. thwarted beyond  my patience! haha! mysticism used in book compared to marquez.. IMO, no, no, and no! so not the same! kumusta naman kasi nagliyab sa sobrang libog?! hahahahahaha!

The Unbearable Lightness of Being – Milan Kundera
    great great book! loved it a lot, couldnt put it down for long..

The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Douglas Adams
    funny shit! hehe! its not shit actually, its good too its fun, read it in one sitting cuz you have to know what happens next! was actually influenced by my freind ai cuz she was collecting it all, she loved the trilogy of five books! hahaha!

One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel García Márquez
    takes a hundred years to read! haha! but worth it...! draging first part, put later on just cant stop! confusing names! confusing family!

The Joke – Milan Kundera
    has dragging parts, good read too, learn a lot about communism...? hehe, history of their people, as wilth other kundera reads....

Things Fall Apart – Chinua Achebe

Nineteen Eighty-Four – George Orwell
    honestly did not get it when i read it cuz i was in... 2nd yr hs i think.... maybe it deserves a re-read... i didnt get big brother...

The Old Man and the Sea – Ernest Hemingway
    lets be honest, it was difficult...! i did not get the fish chase.... and the lions on the shore which i have read somewhere that have religious meaning... i need more background on literary imagery to understand... or maybe

Animal Farm – George Orwell
The Little Prince – Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
    wont say anything anymore, this book is too widely read so nobody needs MY opinion. but i enjoyed it din.

The Stranger – Albert Camus
    my introduation into the world of existentialism..! i was blown away..! changed my views on life

The Grapes of Wrath – John Steinbeck
    ofcourse, its steinbeck! who am i to say anything?! when i think of this book, what comes to mind is its ending...

Of Mice and Men – John Steinbeck
    most everyone has read this too, no comment. its steinbeck!

The Yellow Wallpaper – Charlotte Perkins Gilman
    book ito...?! akala ko short story?!

The Strange Case of Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde – Robert Louis Stevenson
    book report, 4th yr hs, chose it cuz it was short and the teacher want very familiar with it! weee! so kayang kaya ko mambola, lalo na nung defense ng paper sa harap ng class, haha, well she doesnt know what i'm talking about, haha, i can say whatever i want!

Little Women – Louisa May Alcott
    read wayyy back in grade six i think... fun fun...!

The Pit and the Pendulum – Edgar Allan Poe
The Fall of the House of Usher – Edgar Allan Poe
    two more cases of 'hey, i thought this was a short story?!' summary, equation poe=genius

Frankenstein – Mary Wollstonecraft Shelley
    some odd reasong, cant recall....

Aesop’s Fables – Aesopus
    read way back then... we have a collection of grimm and aesop fables in a hard bound series of classics...fun fun..!


own but have not read
Life of Pi – Yann Martel
City of God – E.L. Doctorow
The God of Small Things – Arundhati Roy
To Kill a Mockingbird – Harper Lee
Doctor Faustus – Thomas Mann
Lady Chatterley’s Lover – D.H. Lawrence
Women in Love – D.H. Lawrence
The Time Machine – H.G. Wells
Crime and Punishment – Fyodor Dostoevsky
Silas Marner – George Eliot


have heard of and want to read
Kafka on the Shore – Haruki Murakami
Choke – Chuck Palahniuk
Ignorance – Milan Kundera
After the Quake – Haruki Murakami
The Human Stain – Philip Roth
Sputnik Sweetheart – Haruki Murakami
Memoirs of a Geisha – Arthur Golden
The Information – Martin Amis
The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle – Haruki Murakami
The Virgin Suicides – Jeffrey Eugenides
Love in the Time of Cholera – Gabriel García Márquez
Oranges Are Not the Only Fruit – Jeanette Winterson
Perfume – Patrick Süskind
The Book of Laughter and Forgetting – Milan Kundera
Portnoy’s Complaint – Philip Roth
The Bell Jar – Sylvia Plath
Lord of the Flies – William Golding
The Catcher in the Rye – J.D. Salinger
The Plague – Albert Camus
Nausea – Jean-Paul Sartre
The Sound and the Fury – William Faulkner
To The Lighthouse – Virginia Woolf
120 Days of Sodom – Marquis de Sade

March 21st, 2007

(no subject)

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yet again.....i wanna bang my head against the wall....!
pwede magmura muna....
fuck fuck fuck fuck! AGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! let me graduate or shoot me!!!!
i dunno what the *** im doing, i need to graduate but i cant get anything done. screwy thesis. screwey isozymes.
ano ba pier?!!!
sige, naloloka-loka na ako. ilang oras pa lang ako natutulog, pero la p rin ako nagagawa. tang***!
rant muna ako, pwede.
four papers overdue.
thesis manuscript.
speech.
3 exams...
one of which, i dont f*ing know what the hell to study, cause guess why, absentee, arghh... arggg!!! advanced genetics...hm, di kaya ng stok knowledge ko dahil wala akong stock knowledge tungkol dun, hahahahaha! ngaun ko lang siya na-encounter. ahhh bull!
calm down... i need to calm down to get things done.... i will graduate... i will.. i shall.... else.... i'll cry, haha!

at ang palabas sa myx ngaun.... "so what's the point of all of this, when you will never change?................but you, you think cruel thoughts...." ewan na.... pinoy band, nakakalss yung song in fairness... or dahil over-played, gustong gusto ng kuya...
pinipimple na ako sa stress, yack, haha, di ba pwede imaintain ang itsura at ang akads ng sabay?! haha!

January 21st, 2007

me oh my...

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rar...

pier has 3 papers to submit tomorrow....
why, oh why did i not do them earlier?!
simple answer: cuz i dont wanna f*ing do it! get off my case!

want to bang my head against the wall until i knock some sense into it. knock some sense into the wall?! hahahaha! possibly so! or bang my head until i have a reason not to re reasonable. either scenario is quite fine!

i'm frustrated. frustrated frustrated.....


hmm....lets list what i have in store this week....
poem analysis paper due 9am monday
seminar reaction paper due 4pm mon
plant physio lab, sci paper due monday until 5pm
advanced plant physio lect exam on thurs 11:30am
advanced genetics exam on thurs 4pm
informative speech on fri

add still:
long overdue thesis outline (gaaaaaaad, i could possibly kill myself)
org meetings.. activities, responsibilities...
possibly new reading assignments in pi...
anime art contest my friend and i were planning to join... deadline jan 25
speaking of jan 25, our orgs anniv.
the next day, jan 26, my turtle's anniv... (at topak pa cp nya, rar naman)
homogenization and extraction of another sample for thesis experiment...
mixing of extraction buffer (kumusta naman wlang elec, no fume hood. yes, more cancer ang aabutin ko... bwiset...)
making gel on mon (no elec...) so hopefully i can
run electrophoresis on tuesday (no elec, no elec, no elec...kumusta naman ako at ang generator?! ) run will probably last the whole day and i'd probably want to just die right there and then instead of being subjected to all those chemicals which will probably, yes, you guessed it, give me more cancer...! screwy life.





day of judgement has been announced. March 14, deadline of first draft of manuscript. shoot me. run me over. push me off a building. someone, please?! SAVE ME!!!!! i'll willingly dive my soul, just save me from sure doom! please?! i'll give you all my stuff?! ANYTHING! JUST SAVE MEEEEEEEE!!!!!!! (TTTTT______TTTTTT) i'm doomed i tell ya'll!!! DOOOOOOOOOOOMED!!!!



Enough ranting... work, demit! work!! huhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhuhu! i wanna cry....!




was browsing my joyce's multiply site and i found a pic of myself... hahaha! almost forgot it existed!bakit parang ang halay ng itsura ng damit ko dan?! para akong mahuhubaran na ewan, hahahahahaha! weird lang siguro dahil naka slouch ako.... weeeeh, anyway, i look so..... weird! hahahahahahaha! so punk?! oh my! hahahahahah! fun! cosplay day... didnt know i looked like that! x_X but its fine... oo, ako na ang weird. i dont really care. taken last year....



December 31st, 2006

2006

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na-'inspire' ako dahil sapost ni joyce sa forum.. ako rin gagawa ng list (pier is gaya gaya...!)


dahil patapos nanaman ang taon at maraming nangyari sakin this year....
2006 recap....!

first times:
>nagsabi sa guy na gusto ko siya
>magkaroon ng bf
>ma-in love.. love talaga.. WUUUUUBBB!
>madepress ng todo
>nasubukan i-cut sarili ko sa sobrang pagkadepress
>umiyak ng sobra nang pagkatagal, as in hagulgol na di na mapigilan
>bumagsak sa isang subject
>ma-confine sa hospital
>in line with the hospital incident: makabitan ng dextrose, maturukan ng marami, ma-anesthesia at marami pang ibang kasakitan sa buhay
>makapasok sa upm at pgh
>uminom sa bar
>malasing sa bar
>masuka sa bar(haha!)
>medyo maharass sa raw (oh noes!)
>magfanservice sa bar (napagalitan tuloy kami ni taicho dahil pinagtitinginan daw kami..sori naman!)
>magbar kasama ng kuya
>magbar na may kasamang lalaki
>magbar sa baguio
>magpuntang baguio nang di kasama parents
>magkaraoke sa bar
>pumunta sa comedy bar at... maharass dun!
>pumunta sa isang gig sa manila (waaaaw!)
>di matulog ng 2 straight days dahil naggagala
>magstarbucks (yata.. parang eh..ah, di pala, haha!) at para first, magstarbucks ng magdamag para magpalipas hanggang umaga
>makarating ng tomas morato, araneta, gateway... basta! kung san san kami nakarating ng pinsan ko!
>sumakay sa taxi ng magisa, madaling araw pa (haha, baliw!)
>matulog sa cow park
>magcosplay sa isang event na rumampa pa
>in line with cosplay, magpunta ng backstage ng bahay ng alumni
>in line with that ulit, manalo sa cosplay
>nanood ng rock concert sa lb (haha!) or any concert for that matter!
>manood ng icebag
>magkaroon ng inaanak sa org
>maghandle ng kung ano anong dangerous chemicals at liquid N
>makakain ng gonuts!
>matulog sa appartment ng kung sino
>maggala sa campus ng gabing gabi na
>nagsimba uli after who knows how long...!
>magsimba ng araw araw for that time
>um... *blush* eh kasi.. um.. ayun na....!


(dagdag ako bukas, late na! dapat matulog na!)

November 30th, 2006

supertyphoon

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aproaching.....

havent slept yet.. weee....! its 6am.... tsk tsk! but actually i slept from 6-10pm cuz i felt a bit sick.... so i'm still ok, got some shut-eye kanina....

what have i been doing...? taking advantage of the electricity while its still there, hahaha! i'm anticipating that we'll have a damn blackout for quite a long time.... so i'm downloading and transfering songs to my player... but i cant find my earphones... T_T demit, i think my brother took off with them... oh well, i'll buy tomorrow....

random stuff.... hmm...

no class no class no class.. rejoyce?! hell no! there's gonna be hell after the storm has passed..
rar... my thesis! my newly collected and homogenized samples... noooo! my trees ('my' haha!) they might not survive the typhoon! T_T help! and we'll be off-shedule in all our classes... noooo...!

pier needs a new hard disk. karl says he'll buy one for me as a christmas gift.. hope he remembers! computer is dying... dying! taking too many downloads, hahahahah! new HD !! pier would be very happy if it comes! ive spent lots on blank cds... its better to have them all in one HD for better filing purposes, nyahaaha!

wahhh... scary ang bagyo...! scared si pier.... dont want typhoon!

hm... food... pier wants food....! dapat mag-imbak! bwahahaha! para marami ako snacks habang nabagyo..! actually, i plan to sleep hgang nabagyo, hehe. masarap matulog ng malamig.

coffee brewing... smells heavenly.... coffee is <3 !!

napaka fragmente ng mga pingsasabi ko.... haha! syempre, di pa natutulog eh!

i want soup... T_T right now....!

am wondering kung legal sa pilipinas yung mga split second flashes sa mga advertisments... hmm.... illegal yun sa us dahil subconscious ang target nun...
subconsious, haha, naalala ko yung commercial kanina ng everybody loves raymond! yung dialogue, parang...:
"everytime i think about it, i get stomach aches... i think its something unconscious.."
tapos sabi ng asawa nya: "you mean, subconsious. unconscious meens you're asleep"
ok, babaw ko!

all the while i was on

hahahah! natuwa naman ako sa balita, si bono daw, nung bumisita sa japan, niregaluhan ang prime minister ng shades, at yung prime minister naman, try on agad, at in fairness, bagay sa kanya, hahahaha! cute naman! sino nga ba bago prime minister ng japan... hmmm.... *research* ah... shinzo daw.... pero mas cute si koizumi! hahaha! crush na crush siya ng friend ko... mahilig talaga siya sa mga matatandang lalaki... at si koizumi na nga ang matanda! haha! he's cute for an old man... *cough*cough*!!! hahaha! hey, i prefer young men! hahahahahaha! yun na! mas cute mga baby face na lalaki!

la ako masabing matino! hm... so ang gagawin ko na lang..... ahhhhh... wala! titigil na ako!

pics na hinalungkat ko kanina....galing sa sem-ender namin nung... ah... basta noon!


the amusingly scandalous karaoke machine at "villa laarni: baguio city" a resort which is actually just in pansol, hahaha! venue of our orgs first ever sem-ender. hahaha! its a "WTF?!!" karaoke machine! full of entertainment beyond sing along! hahahaha! "insert coin where?!!!!" pic taken by me, couldnt stop laughing when i saw this! how lewd! hahahahahaha! oh my! also couldnt stand watching my freinds sing cuz of the bakground laden with barely clad women posing posing and... posing some more! hahaha! was it meant to be like that?! so distracting! or was it meant to turn us on?! hahahahahaha! OMFG! hahaha! pwede! may clip pa nga sila pinapakita na i went "OMG, nipples?!!" hahahaha!



sa pool..! medyo disapointed ako sa pool dahil napaka short nya, meaning di man lang makapag-laps... paro panalo ang init ng tubig! orgmates sitting at the stairs.... at ako nakatayo sa side.. payat ko... ok, payat ako nung panahon na yun... hanggang ngaun?! nd noh, may laman na ako konti! hahahahaha! dapat naka bathing suit lang ako, pero nahiya akodahil sila lahat may ibang suot, so nagshorts ang gaga... weeh..!


group pic just before we left the resort, hehe! bench we're sitting on about to give way! hahahahaha! not all present but we still had loads of fun! but ofcourse, mas marami na kami sa org ngayon. hehehe! saya talaga ng sem-ender na to. 2 air con rooms, 1 kiddie pool, 1 pool with warm water, unlimited karaoke machine, pool table, an upstairs kubo, ref, stove, lotsa food, no sleep, some booze (though nobody really drank enough to get 'tama' except mary, hahahaaha!).. and dont forget the swings!!! pier loved the swing!!

November 23rd, 2006

downloading...... complete.

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getting songs online.... wee, fun.
downloading to make myself feel better.
feel better?
hm, maybe not to feel better but to be preoccupied.
i cant sleep again tonight... i love the computer, reliable company every night. always there, never sleeps, gives me all that i need...maybe i should marry it. hahaha!
two of the songs downloaded so far... with some lines from it... songs i like/absolutely adore but realize i dont have a copy of, hehe...

Ash: lost in you
"Alying wide awake under strange skies
Wanting to call you, but it is late at night
And youre far away, but you are always on my mind..."

"I feel like Im on fire, nothing I can do
Im troubled with doubt, though I know it is not true

I cant think straight, because its tearing up my mind..."

"And its times like these when I am dying to speak to you
Dying to get through, dying to get through..."





The Mars Volta: the widow
"And I hear him every night in every pore
And every time he just makes me warm..."


"Freeze without an answer
Free from all the shame
Let me die
Cause I’ll never
Never sleep alone..."




....really cant sleep. i have class tomorrow and am gonna collect samples and homogenize them later.... there's gonna be hell tomorrow...

namumugto pa mata ko ngaun, fuck.

honestly, i dont know...
what should i do...?
what should we do...?

what's the right thing to do...?
maybe thats why i'm confused... because i'm to concerned with the 'right' thing....
can i just be selfish..?! it'd be easier... and i'd be happier...
but i dont think i can be happy being selfish....
paradox... paradox... paradox....
happiness (...is not a fish you can catch according to our lady peace, harhar)... elusive... something i want...
my friend told me some hours ago..... "kaya mo xang gawin, pero di ka magiging masaya."
i dont want to do it.
i dont think i can handle another major depressed phase, especially right now....
yes, sadness can kill. depression can kill.
me.
i dont know...
i'm a difficult person to love. i know that for sure. i have a hard time loving myself, how can anybody even attempt to when i hardly cant do it myself...
i can enumerate all the things not to like about me... i'm an ugly, rotten person. and i dont pretend not to be. .. i'll most probably grow old and lonely. well, exclude the old part. harhar. i'm a difficult person.. paranoia creeping in again...
...no one loves you, stop fooling yourself..conceited bitch..no one can possibly love you...they think they do, you think they do.. but they'll grow tired and leave you... love you/me?! thats laughable. improbable. impossible. ...damn it, screw this.

 

really..i dont know.
but yes. i love him. thats sure. thats why i want him to be happy.
what i want is for him to be happy with me.
but how can that be....?



November 2nd, 2006

things to come....

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right now i'm thinking.....

am i afraid....?
i dont think so.....

should i be afraid...?
i dont know....



lookie! nice piccies from the doctor! ... whooo, abstract! hahahahaha! these pics are from my phone so they arent all that great... scanner is perpetually busted!





a larger pic..
when i look at it... it looks like a skull.... creepy....



i'm really confused right now. i really should be afraid. but i'm laughing at it...
when i look at the scans... i see images of skulls and other stuff.. its just my imagination, i know. maybe its my subconscious trying to scare me.

when i get tested, i know my life will make a major detour.... is that what i want...? is that why after almost 2 years i finally went and got it checked out....
i've gone and got the ball rolling... its all downhil from here.... no stoping now..

hope the needles wont hurt.....
hope the treatment wont hurt...
but in truth if its there, i dont think i want to get better....


tama na yan!
heavy feelings.. lets lighten up a bit... pics c/o joyce last nov 30... me in yukata, weh!





all powdered up.. to much!


candid pic, was texting, hehehe!






more pics from the yukata photoshoot, this time from my phone! (not done uploading all yet, so just one pic lang, hehe)




kumusta naman ang eyebags nakasquint pa kaya lalong kita, hahahahaha!

October 25th, 2005

first post.......

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so i decided to make an account... after months of snooping around... and looking here and there... and reading journals here and there.....

yey, i have an account, more places to post post post, though i dont really feel like posting all the time....

(ako na ang may blog na pink. napaka bakla, well, aus lang, girl naman ako kunyari! lol!! but dont you know, pink is the color of all evil! bwahahaha!)
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